Recently, my nephew discovered the consequence of over-indulgence in the form of a tooth cavity. He finds his hand in the cookie jar too often, loves soda, and actively seeks candies of all forms. The tooth ache has now become a hurdle to his desire to continue to indulge in sweets. He has begun eating candy on the opposite side of his mouth, he can actively be seen fighting the pain to accomodate his sheer desire for more candy. His desire outweighs the consequences.
This behavior is much too familiar to individuals of all ages.
It is, although, more detrimental when the indulgence takes root in the imagination, where a fantasy of an idea sprouts and the desire to live out the fantasy takes a person to limits of compromise they never thought possible. It is this over-indulgence of an idea, rather than an action that has far greater consequences, because the growing fantasy has the habit of manifesting several indulgent behaviors and actions; consequently, producing several cavities in the emotional mouthpiece of the mind.
Live life without expectations and always be happy
Expectations are a peculiar thing. They are future scenarios that we find favorable — most desireable — but they live within the recesses of the mind and nowhere else. It is when these ideas begin to influence our actions that the trouble begins. It is when our over-indulgence in a fantasy begins to decay the fabric of reality, leading to emotional consequences that can become difficult to repair.
A man spends $50 a week on lottery tickets in the hopes that he will win millions and never have to work again in his life. Meanwhile, his son and daughter need new shoes, clothes. He lives paycheck to paycheck and the money that could be saved finds itself squandared.
And so, much like the lottery man, sometimes we indulge in an individual, or a prospect for money or a better life. We shape our days to the rhythm of this idea: that one day it will set itself in the direction we desire. That the girl of your dreams will one day come around and be yours if only you buy her more gifts and take her out to her favorite restaurants, but the fantasy never produces and you feel used and stupid. Or you see the prospect of a business idea, so with dollar signs in your eyes you make an unvetted investment into something that bears no fruits. You act upon the impulses of your indulgent expectations, only to be let down.
Live not in the indulgence of a fantasy for the mere sake of wanting it to be produced. The indulgence could be abstract, such as: I want to be a millionaire, and could lead to numerous avenues in which you explore time and time again only to be let down, or you find you must sacrifice much more than you anticpated like time with your family and loved ones.
Lay not your foundations upon the bedrock of fantasies.
Letting Go
Time and time again, we continue with a romantic partner, a business idea, or project and through that time we’ve managed to finesse expectations into the equation of the relationship. When the expectations fail us time and time again we linger in the fantasy that it will all work out for good.
A hard slap in the face of reality is usually what it takes to realize something wasn’t healthy for you, wasn’t right for you, or wasn’t for you at all. But in these situations, not always are these hard slaps available. It takes an introspective look into the world around you to realize it was all fantasy.
Indulging in a future that isn’t is quite dangerous. It is full of letdown, sorrow and regret. Instead, take a step back — take off the veil of the current influencing desire and see the world in truth. Is something causing you turmoil and strife, sleepless nights and pain ?— and now, many months or years in you’ve seen no change in sight: this is a clear indicator that you’ve indulged in a fantasy for too long. Quit the job. Quit the relationship. Cut ties. Readjust, restructure in a dramatic way and alleviate the pain. You don’t have to suffer for something that isn’t there. Let go.
Sure the sugar is sweet, but chewing on the opposite side only gives you more cavities — let go of the sugar altogether. Moderate your impulses and check your emotions. Meditate, pray, or find a distraction to keep your head on straight.
It’s easier said than done, especially if you’ve given your emotions over to a project or person, but if something isn’t satisfying you after several months or years, then it may be time to recognize that it has all been a fantasy.
Retreat to a quiet place and reflect on what you truly need at the moment, not upon what you desire. Heal yourself tenderly and surround yourself with those that love you most, take heed to their words and you’ll soon find it is much easier to let go and move forward.
You’ll soon realize a deadweight has been lifted off you and the overwhelming feeling of relief will be an indicator that you made the right decision.
Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.
— Herman Hesse
